Our ultimate St Patrick’s Day Paintball Team

In the spirit of St Patrick’s Day we’re embracing all things Irish here at Go Ballistic HQ, but instead of getting on the Guinness and riverdancing round the office, we thought we’d let our imaginations run wild and assemble some of our favourite Irish celebs for the ultimate game of paintball. It wasn’t easy and there’s some controversial inclusions, but here’s who made the cut..

1. Roy Keane

Every paintball team needs a psycho, and former Manchester United captain and undisputed angriest man alive Roy Keane fits the bill perfectly. In his playing days Keano was just as happy smashing his opponents as he was smashing the ball into the back of the net, and he’s definitely not mellowed since hanging up his boots. When he’s not ripping into journalists as Ireland’s assistant manager he’s tearing teams apart as a TV pundit – and we love every excruciating second! As long as he’s on our team he’s in

2. Liam Neeson

Ballymena boy Liam Neeson is the undisputed king of Irish action heroes, and he has a very particular set of skills that make him a nightmare for paintball players like you. Even at 64 we imagine he’s still pretty handy with a paintball marker, and if it came down to a game of hostage rescue there’s only ever going to be one winner. Plus, if he wasn’t part of our Paddy’s Day paintball celebrations we’re pretty sure he would find us, and he would kill us, which would definitely put a dampener on things.

3. Jedward

We know what you’re thinking, and no we’ve not gone completely mad. Jedward get an invite simply because we’d love to pepper them with paintballs, sorry boys. We’re not sure whether it’s the hair, the singing, or simply the fact that they’re so upbeat, but just thinking about Jedward drives us crazy. We still don’t know which one’s which either and that’s annoying too! No, something definitely needs to be done about John and Edward and sometimes paintball is the only option. Your invite’s in the post lads.

4. Colin Farrell

As well as the mandatory madman, it’s always a good idea to have a bit of eye candy on your team just to keep everybody else on their toes, and for that reason alone we’re giving Colin the call. He’s not just a pretty face though, he’s a bona fide Hollywood action hero too, which means he’d be more than capable of doing some serious damage with a paintball marker. Just imagine Messrs Farrell and Neeson spearheading your attack, it’d be absolute carnage!

5. Conor McGregor

Not only has the fighting Irishman got the gift of the gab, he’s got the MMA skills to back up every single word he says – but let’s face it the real reason we love him is for the trash talk! Nobody dishes out pre-fight put downs like McGregor and we’d love to play paintball with him just to hear him lay into the opposition, the marshals and anybody else in earshot. We’re pretty sure we’d probably get a mouthful too, but how could we stay mad at multi-millionaire, mixed martial arts fighter?

6. Cillian Murphy

When Roy Keane inevitably falls foul of the rules you’ll need a substitute psycho, so step forward Mr Cillian Murphy. Now, we’re not saying he’s quite as crazy as Keano, but there’s definitely a reason why he keeps getting cast as absolute nut jobs. We’re still scared of the Scarecrow nearly ten years after the The Dark Knight was first released, and he’s just as terrifying as Thomas Shelby in the insanely addictive Peaky Blinders. For the fear factor alone, we’d be mad not to add this loony to the action.

Did we miss somebody? Lets us know who you’d invite to your St Paddy’s Day paintball party in the comments below.